you belong with me

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."

Things have been a little rocky around the house lately. A week ago today my dad was "laid off" from General Motors. Not exactly too terribly shocking knowing the situation of the auto industry. It wasn't as if we hadn't been anticipating this possibility for months, either. I never thought that it would happen, to be honest. Out of twenty people in my dad's department, only one was let go...

I have been working a lot lately along with going to school, so I haven't been home all that much in the past week, but when I am home, I see how it has affected my family.

For the first two days, there wasn't a moment that I saw my mom and she wasn't crying. It's really hard for me, because I'm not so good at consoling people when they're upset. I never know what to say. I can't imagine how my mom and dad feel. But what I do know is that my mom feels like she's worthless because 1. she didn't graduate from college and 2. she doesn't think her income helps us very much.

I just know it's been really hard for them. And I am extremely unsure of what to do. I've been trying to be the positive one. Trying to be the one whose positive mood brings up the rest of the family... I've been making my payment deadlines, living according their rules, and even trying to take extra shifts at work to make sure that I won't end up screwing them over if something were to happen.

I had a lot more on my mind when I started this blog. Somehow I don't know what else to say.

". . . but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. . . and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life."

Miss California. You'll be kissed by only me.

Goals for the year.

1. Go to LA for Thanksgiving - start future planning; apartment searching, compile lists of job ideas, look at schools
2. Go to NYC for New Year's - preferrably stay in a hotel near Times Square, and stay for 2-3 nights, if possible and invite all friends to join, if they so choose
3. Save, save, save! And never stop saving. I will be able to make things happen.
4. Go out to LA in May to finalize future plans; check out available apartments to rent, apply for every job possible, also plan route to take and money needed to survive (actually... just plan EVERYTHING all year)
5. Although it seems that moving to LA is my main concern, my main focus IS going to be on school -- maintain a 3.5 or above GPA
6. Focus on work. Make money.
7. Don't stop believing.
8. Be a good friend.
9. Put others before myself.
10. Always at least TRY to maintain a positive attitude.
11. No no no no drama, as Fergie would say.
12. Choose friends wisely. Be careful not to let anyone hurt me as I've been hurt in recent pasts.
13. Family. Be good to them, do things for them, make them feel as if I have become a bigger and better person than ever.
14. Tell family of my plan to move to LA when I am sure it is possible and that they can't stand in my way.
15. Never lose confidence. Be all I can be and aspire for greater things.

Determination is key.